


Socializing, supposedly

by argonautic



Series: Works that didn't turn out like I thought [3]
Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:28:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23905438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/argonautic/pseuds/argonautic
Summary: Attempted at a different style, with a bit too clichéd plot. This series is going to be long.
Relationships: Jeremy Clarkson/James May
Series: Works that didn't turn out like I thought [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1708075
Comments: 9
Kudos: 19





	Socializing, supposedly

Jeremy got back from the lavatory and spotted him. Circled by a few enthusiastic ladies. Making his way through to reach a waiter and get a glass of wine.

The one previously in Jeremy’s hand was full of a rosé he wasn’t hoping to find there. It looked like a Prosecco-only kind of party. A hip one. Yet full of classy women. He had suspected it from the beginning, thus he'd asked James to get there with him.

Then James has gotten lost in the crowd. Socializing, supposedly. Just like Jeremy had planned.

"Leave some for us, May",

Jeremy said, getting closer.

James seemed to care about the wine as well, taking a sip before answering:

"Excuse me? You've chugged way more than me."

"Not my fault, they keep refilling my glass. And I meant the ladies, not the booze."

The glance he gave towards them wasn’t so subtle.

“They’re waiting for you James, I can’t detain you any longer.”

"Oh well, you can take them all, I'm not interested."

"Oh come on, they are practically asking you to show them each one of your tools... and that one in particularly, I'm sure."

"Funny. Told you, it's something I'm not interested, not now”. Another sip. Walking away from them for good measure.

Jeremy took a step to set right in front of James. Leaning his head, he lowered his voice to keep it between them:

"May. I'm not going to believe you've been wanking only for - how long it is, six months? If there isn't someone else you're seeing do yourself a favour and indulge, and if I might suggest the one in the green dress has quite a nice ass... unless she's wearing those push-up panties - evil invention, they've ruined it all.”

James shook his head in response. Definitely uninterested. Absolutely not like Jeremy had planned.

"Oh come on May, I've practically brought you here to find you a girlfriend, or a hook-up at least, you can't let me down like that.”

Sincerity wasn’t the first thing that came to James’s mind. Self-defence, rather.

"Jeremy, first you're a moron and you should mind your business, second I'm having a decent time in the end and you're probably going to ruin it. And I’m perfectly fine like this.”

On second thought, Jeremy’s concern seemed genuine. And his further words topped off James’s suspicions.

“I do mind your business because I care about you. I don’t want you to be fine, I want you to be happy. Just find someone to spend a good night with, would you?”

_It is genuine. Oh Jeremy. This is going to be hard._

“Er… we probably have a different point of view on what happiness means… It’s a bit like cars, you know, we always argue…”, James offered. Trying to switch to another topic. As soon as possible.

"Blah blah blah, you can't tell me you haven't found anyone ‘round here worth a shag, come on!”

Perhaps it was the expectant stance with which Jeremy was looking at him. Encouraging. Inspiring. Probably the crisp white shirt he was wearing under his dark suit too. Wine could be blamed, also. And, obviously, Jeremy saying he cared about him. Wanting him happy. An overwhelming conjunction of causes.

 _Oh, whatever_. Something flickered in James’s mind. A spark of ambition. An outburst of rashness.

A hint of a smirk in the corner of his mouth.

Jeremy was still waiting for an answer. Almost defiantly.

Another sip. A last dose of liquid courage before making a risky move.

_It’s what he asked for, right?_

"No, you're right. There is one."

It wasn’t a lie, in the end. It was like bluffing. Dirty, but not forbidden.

Jeremy grinned with satisfaction. Unaware, apparently.

"Oh! So why you haven't made a move yet? Is she married or anything?"

Definitely unaware.

_Come on May, let’s play it out. It may be your chance._

"No... It's just that this is not the best place for a certain kind of talk…”

"So? Are you going to ask her number?”

James replied with a knowing grin:

"Already got it."

Jeremy jolted in surprise:

"Bloody hell James! You're a fucking sniper! Well done mate!"

James chuckled. Both at Jeremy’s reaction and at his own plan.

He could do that. It was going to be fun. He only had to keep playing it until they were both out of there, to avoid making a scene in front of everybody, in the worst case. And probably the scene itself wasn’t going to be the worst case. But it was too late, James had already decided to go on. Determined. Focused. Unexpectedly clear-headed. And Jeremy followed him, unconsciously:

"So… let me guess... is it Hollie?”

"Who?”

"Hollie, the blond one, big boobs"

"Oh, no, not her. But don't waste your time, I'm sure you'll never guess."

Jeremy was of a different mind. Well oiled, intrigued, absolutely up for a challenge. Especially if it concerned James’s potential conquest. He kept scanning the room while talking:

"Come on, she must be around here, it's one of them - or has she already gone home, getting ready for you?",

Jeremy winked at him.

"Nah, still here."

“Mh… the petite brunette standing next to Stephen?”

“No”

“Yeah, you’re more into blondes, I should have known… That Alicia, Alisha, whatever her name is…”

“Curly hair, bluish dress, heels too high?”

Jeremy beamed:

“Is it her?”

“No.”

“Not the one with the green dress next to her, right?”

James shook his head, also to hide a sly smile.

"Please James don't make me list all the women here..."

_Ok, let’s step it up._

"You’ll list all the wrong ones anyway.”

Jeremy looked at him. Disoriented. Wary.

"James. Is she... a he?"

James nodded, slowly. He took a sip from his glass, pretending to be focused on its content. Giving time to Jeremy to process it. Waiting for his reaction.

_Come on Jeremy, what now? Still wanting to know?_

"Oh. No, er, I mean, it's perfectly fine, it's just that... I wasn't expecting that. But, since you've got his number already, I guess things are going great... "

"Not that great. He's a bit... stubborn.”

"But he gave you his number! I'm not into the gay etiquette, but doesn't it mean he's in for a shag or something?”

"It's not for a shag... I quite like him. I'm wondering if he would give me a chance...”

"James... sorry if I ask... I'm still a bit baffled from your, er, widened views, but… are you sure he is... gay? I've thrown a glance around and everyone I know is allegedly straight, I'm going to nurture serious doubts about at least five family men.”

"No, he's straight, but that's the challenging part."

Their conversation was interrupted by an acquaintance of James’s, who dragged him away from Jeremy, to introduce him to another bloke with the passion for flight.

Jeremy wondered if he was the one James had placed his gaze on. He hoped so.

_Poor James, first he's been ditched then he's fallen for a straight guy._

Alone again, Jeremy got back to scanning the guests around him. Men only. One by one

_So, let’s try to see who’s the one around here that looks so interesting to James's eye._

_Half of the men here looks too posh for him. The nerdy ones are probably too young. Sean looks too gay for being straight, despite what he says, so no._

He stared too long. Long enough for Sean to walk towards him and start talking.

Eventually, Jeremy disengaged himself from the conversation, meeting James again.

"News about your prey?”

"No, still didn't have the chance to talk with him again the way I'd want to.”

_But it seems you’re still curious about it. Good._

"You've got his number! Just text him "let's get out of here" or something similar, come on James!”

James smiled. Amused.

“Not yet”,

Then he pulled his mobile out of his pocket and quickly texted something.

"Took a note? Good, you see? I'm being helpful. You should stick to motorbikes, this is not your field of competence. Just let me know who he is and I'll deliver him straight- er, right in your arms."

Jeremy really didn't know how. But his offer was genuine all the same. Because James deserved it.

"It's not so easy, it's a straight guy, you gotta take things slowly with them", James explained.

Jeremy stared at James, bewildered. Because James had a strategy. A strategy for straight men, particularly. A strategy that basically consisted of being slow, so he’d probably mastered it. He wondered how many times James had tried it. If it had ever been successful.

He took a look around again, inspecting.

Then elbowed James:

“That chap with his trousers too long, talking with David?”

“No.”

"David?”

"Neither.”

“Oh come on James! I can’t keep playing Guess who with all the people here! Nor with half of them.”

“Then stop guessing.”

Jeremy tried to comply. And kept silent. But couldn’t stop thinking.

Wondering if the guy has remotely understood anything. If he was going to accept James's proposal, once asked. Once aware.

Silence didn’t last.

"Why don’t you just invite him outside for a fag – and, by the way, fancy one?”

_Why not, let’s see how oblivious you are._

"I was going to ask you."

Jeremy nodded and lead the way out. James rolled his eyes, unseen.

_Very. Or very dense. Probably both._

On the balcony, Jeremy lit both their cigarettes. James took a drag, then asked:

"What about you Jezza, found someone worthy?”

"Bah, the pretty ones are already taken, I’m too tipsy to appreciate inner beauty and I'm not sure I'm ready for proper romantics yet. It’s complicate, I’m notoriously a mess at it and I don’t frankly believe there’s anyone keen on dealing with me.”

“You never know”

“You’re still looking around you though, you’re considering the chance. I’m not that optimistic anymore.”

James didn’t answer. Nobody spoke until they had ended their fags.

“So, let’s go back inside and show him to me.”

"I’m not that drunk. You'll just pop in front of him and recommend me as if I was your trusted plumber”

Jeremy retorted:

"I could tell him that you could be his best choice to take a dip in the gay pool!”

_Really?_

"Jeremy”

"What?”

"Told you, it wouldn't be for a shag only..."

"That's even better, it would be too intimidating, if he's actually straight. I guess there's nothing wrong in smooching a bloke to see where things go, instead. Just text him before he goes home, something like “Let’s see if there’s a chance”, I mean, what he’s got to lose?”,

Jeremy concluded, already walking to the bar. James followed, eyes down on his phone, typing.

“This is the last one for me."

“Mh, same”

Short sips. Making the glass last longer. James was staring at random points in the crowd. Nervous. Not so sure any more about playing his last move. Jeremy was looking at him. Trying to detect who he was looking at. Unsuccessfully.

They finished their drinks at the same time. Jeremy put the glass down and asked:

“Have you texted your bloke yet? It's going to be too late soon.”

James thought about it one last time.

“Going outside, no signal here. Could you take my coat from the cloakroom while you’re there?”

“Sure. Good luck with him. If he’s not a complete fool, he won’t skip the chance.”

_Oh. We’ll see Jeremy, we’ll see._

James walked outside, his phone in his hand. Jeremy got to the cloakroom.

Jeremy had just put his coat on when the inside pocket of his jacket buzzed. And he froze. It was completely superfluous, but he read the text anyway:

‘Let's get out of here. Let’s see if there’s a chance. What you’ve got to lose?’

**Author's Note:**

> Attempted at a different style, with a bit too clichéd plot. This series is going to be long.


End file.
